All In My Head
by ZekeStone
Summary: The Inner-ramblings of Ceil Phantomhive. Its rated for mention of abuse.


The Inner-ramblings Ciel Phantomhive.

As usual I own nothing, if I did would I really be on fanfiction?

Warnings: Contains abuse of a minor, dark themes and ciel/seb fluff

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Ciel P.O.V

Sighing I closed my closed his eyes, I could feel the on coming headache after all today was the Day. The sun wasn't up yet and so Sebastian had not yet come to wake me.

Today was the day, all those years ago when every thing began. Today was the day I first met Sebastian, the day I quite literally sold his soul to a devil. An anniversary of sorts, to the four years I had been free of the rituals but had become a dog to the queen. And then years I had spend as a "watch dog" to the one who destroyed his family to begin with, the one I swore would face the same torture, humiliation and pain that I was subjected to.

Today also happened to be the day, though many years later that the people of London learnt that their Queen was, well quite frankly a puppet. That the true Queen died at the hands of her own dead husband, and it there was absolute chaos. Happy Birthday to me

I couldn't help but wonder, what if the people of London truly knew about the types of scum that existed just beyond their sight or the types of monsters that resided within those who were of noble blood. The watchdogs.

The Queen is Dead, Long Live the Queen.

My family had always served as the watchdogs of the royal family, and the Queen had turned out to be the greatest monster of them all. We did her biddings, I did her biddings only to have her to try to destroy my family again, or what's left of it, me.

But none of that mattered now, she is dead. I didn't order her death; the one Sebastian was to destroy was already dead. All my plans, my revenge will never be fulfilled. It's utter madness.

I am an avenger. From the moment I saw the dead bodies of my parents. The moment when Tanaka acted as a human shield to stop them from taking me, the moment where I thought they had killed him as well I knew my destiny. My purpose was to avenge, I am an AVENGER. This was before they took me; I never really bothered to learn the name of the place after all they never let me go far beyond my cage. It was a big room, there were others of course, though most didn't have their own cage. But then again they weren't used for the rituals either now were they. No, those children were just kept as common pets. They where just the side entertainment only good for a quick fuck, while I was the star attraction.

"One of a kind" they said "special, a noble beast". Only later did I understand what they were referring to. I survived, my special power was apparently my pride and so during those rituals no mater how much blood they spilled I survived. Enduring the cuts regardless of how deep, the burns and the rape I lived and recovered. I didn't allow myself to feel anything and so they were unable to break me, but as the months went by they got closer and closer until finally I let my guard slip. My body was broken and my resolve had yet to fail me but my heart hurt for no reason. I watched the others cry every day and comfort each other, and then they would smile and I could never understood why.

They were lucky, I was treated the worst but I was stronger than them so I didn't need that comfort. Yet my heart hurt. It was a strange pain, it hurt more than the welts left by the whip but the pain was not as sharp. It was emotion and so I suppressed it, I could not show any weakness before of these monsters.

After all, the longer I stayed the main attraction the longer I lived and the more time I had to find a way to destroy them.

But in the end I was nothing more than a plat thing, and the frustration caused by the inability to break me well, they were week men and so they gave up. They knew I would not break and to they decided to sacrifice me in a ritual, to sell my soul for the price of a demon's loyalty. Slit my wrists and let me bleed to death. Those fools, but they were right about one thing.

He did come.

I was dying I think, and I heard a voice; his voice.

"Would you like them to die?" I saw a shadow before me.

He didn't go to them. He came to me. It was like I could hear his voice in my head, my surroundings suddenly changed. It felt like I was in a different world, and honestly for that moment I actually thought that I was dead. And I screamed bloody murder.

"I could kill them all, your soul should taste divine, give it to me and I'll kill those who harmed you like this. You want revenge do you not? I will grant you that revenge. In exchange when I finish I shall devour your soul"

I remember smiling. He marked me has his, placed his symbol on my eye. I order Sebastian to protect and never betray me, to obey my orders no matter what, and to never lie.

And for the first time I see that smug arrogant smirk on his features.

Kill them all.

"Yes, my Lord"

I blink and I am still on the sacrifice table however my wounds were dressed and my ristraints had been removed. There seems to be some confusion, followed by screams of pain and agony as well as joy. The other children were also free now. They ran.

But them men, their screams continued getting louder and louder. I closed my eyes and smiled.

There was a soft knock on the door. I smiled as Sebastian entered, bringing a along with him the tray that held my morning tea. He set it on my table and graceful as ever he strode across my room to draw the curtains on my window. After that the set out my clothes for the day, and came to wake me.

He stayed, the contract had been fulfilled and yet I was alive and he stayed.

"Good morning young master, today is a very special day. Happy Birthday" He smiled "Is there anything you would like in particular?"

Smiling again a pulled him closer, and we kissed. My head ache now almost completely gone.

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So here it is, another alcohol fic. I'm not really sure where these come from because I don't really plan them out, the stories in my head are normally smuty or happy/funny, but i can never write those. I start but I end up with this stuff. Hope you enjoyed :)


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